Being in a beautiful and healthy relationship is one of the best feelings in the world. It’s like instantly everything in your life changes and becomes so much more fun and fulfilling. However, if you do not put in the work, this feeling goes as fast as it comes. To keep things going in a […]
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The online dating revolution started more than a decade ago with numerous success stories emerging month after month. However, despite all the happily ever afters, there is still a lot of stigma and criticism towards internet romance. Skeptics simply do not think that you can find love on a dating app with the few success […]
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There is truly nothing that can compare to the warm fuzzies you get when you have feelings for someone. It could be a crush on a random stranger that smiled at you in the coffee shop and then asked for your number. Or it could be your wife of 10 years who annoys you all the time, but you still love with all your being.
But exactly what’s the difference between love and a crush?
Honestly, there is really no way to summarize love into one definition. But we will give it a try.
To put it simply, love is a deep positive feeling you have towards someone. It makes you drawn to them. It makes you want to spend more time with them. It makes you want the very best for them.
Technically, love comes in many different types depending on the subject. It could be family love towards your brother or a long-time friend. Maybe it is the love you have for your furry little buddy and all his puppy goodness. However, in this case, we will be focusing on what is typically referred to as romantic love.
While love is typically a deep emotional connection, a crush is often a shallow and temporary infatuation with a person. It is usually based off very surface level information like what they look like, how you both order the same coffee every morning or the fact that she plays the guitar.
Now that we have the specific definitions out of the way, it is time to look at the actual differences. How can you actually tell whether what you are feeling for that person right now is love or just a crush? Well, here are 6 tell-tale differences.
Love is a slow and precise process. It comes slowly at first then hits you all at onc, and you are a goner. This is because to love someone truly you actually have to get to know them. I know you’re probably wondering to yourself right now, “But what about love at first sight?”
Well, I’m glad you asked. That right there is what you call a crush. It doesn’t matter how strong the feelings are or the power of your conviction that he/she is the one. Crushes hit you fast and hard so if you feel something that fast do not call it love.
Remember the definition of the word crush? One of the key terms there was ‘temporary.’ That is a major difference here. This is not to say that love always lasts forever. Jeez, this is not a fairytale; it is life!
However, true love does tend to last a whole lot longer than simple crushes. This is because there is a lot of time, emotion and intent invested in making it work.
Love is driven by a desire to be together through everything whether good or bad. At the very heart of it, all should be a strong friendship foundation which makes this perpetuating force work.
With crushes, on the other hand, there really isn’t a distinct driving force. You like the person for no good reason and will continue to do so until some random and almost always irrelevant thing stops you. Maybe it is how he ties his shoelaces. Or how she always sniffs her food before she takes it. Crushes are fickle like that.
With love, you want your partner to care for you just as much as you care for them. You want to spend as much time with this person as you can spare. You want them to be honest about who they are and open about what they want from you.
With crushes, on the other hand, you probably just want one thing; for the other person to notice you and probably like you back.
Love means wanting the best for the other person. Even when that means that you have to lose them, it means being ready to sacrifice your comfort and needs to help them achieve whatever they want. It could be moving with them to a new country as they pursue their career dreams. Maybe you might have to give up meat as she tries this new vegan diet she heard about.
With crushes, it is unlikely that you ever think of the other person’s needs. Don’t worry; this doesn’t mean that you are a monster. It’s just how crushes work. If you do wish them well, it is likely because of your general human nature.
When it comes to true love, you do not see your partner through perfection filters. You see them just as they are; flaws and all. And despite all that you still want to be with them and show them as much affection as you can.
With crushes, there is a tendency to see this person as a saint. They can do no wrong. Sandals with socks? He makes it work. Chewing with her mouth open? Aaw, how adorable.
To summarize the difference between crush and love in one sentence: the former is a feeling, and the latter is a verb.
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The best way to learn about relationships is of course by experience. However, there is a lot you can gain from the input of other people. All relationships are different, but some of the experiences and challenges couples face are pretty similar.
One way to get this input is through books. I’m not talking about those lovey-dovey novels with cowboys, ranches and single damsels in distress. I mean a good relationship advice book. These are usually by relationship experts but can also be by people who simply want to share what they went through. Whatever the case, they are great tools for building successful relationships.
Here are the nine best relationship advice books:
Author – Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Niche – Singles looking to understand love.
This book is one of the best relationship books for guys as it takes a bold and forward approach to understanding how attraction and attachment works. The writers may have taken a more facts than experience-based approach, but it is still very interesting to read. It is particularly useful not just for men but for any single person looking for some help in understanding this whole love thing.
Author – Jane Sincero
Niche – the art of self-love
For any relationship to work there needs to be a healthy dose of self-esteem in both parties involved. This book is a great way to get yourself here. Sincero takes a very lighthearted and engaging approach to delivering the gospel of self-love. She will have you crowning yourself queen of the world by the time you are done.
Author – MaryJane Fahey
Niche – getting through a breakup
Breakups are not fun for anyone whether you left or got dumped. However, I think we can all agree that the feeling of rejection associated with being the latter makes the pill a little harder to swallow. That is where Fahey comes in with her girl’s guide to getting over being dumped. It is witty and engaging while also emotional and encouraging; generally a great book.
Author – Jackson Mackenzie
Niche – Letting go of emotional baggage
Breakups are not the only things that hurt in a relationship. You could be in a toxic relationship, an emotionally abusive one or maybe you have emotional scars from some other event. Whatever the case, these all result in baggage that will weigh your relationship down. Whole again was one of the best relationship books in 2018 and will take you through how to get over this pain for a healthier relationship.
Author – Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas
Niche – fixing relationship mistakes
We all make mistakes in relationships. Maybe you forgot about her birthday. Or you lost that sentimental gift he got you. However, there are some mistakes where simply apologizing isn’t enough. If you made one of this and would still like to salvage your relationship, then this is one book that will help.
Author – Oprah Winfrey
Niche – peace of mind before and during the relationship
The Wisdom of Sundays is one of the best relationship books for singles who want to be the best versions of themselves before entering relationships. It is about so much more than having healthy self-esteem. The book contains a collection of experiences in romantic and non-romantic relationships that will give you an amazing perspective on life.
Author – Neil Rosenthal
Niche – strengthening a long term relationship
This one is the best relationship books for couples who’s honeymoon years are seemingly long gone. This runt is inevitable and if not addressed will leave your relationship dreadfully boring. The book gives couples tips on how to reignite the spark and keep it burning.
Author – Gary Chapman
Niche – figuring out your relationship wants and needs
This one has been one of the best-selling relationship advice books of all time, and with the author’s revolutionary principles it is not so hard to see why. It is a must read whether you are single or in a relationship. It allows you to understand how you and your partner individually accept and give love. That way you will be able to accommodate their needs.
Author – Lisa McKay
Niche – LDRs and international dating
For people in long distance relationships, the relationship challenges are pretty unique. This book addresses them in a great way ensuring that you get the advice you need to make it work across borders. The list arrangement also makes it easier to understand and implement all that you will learn.
Each one of these books has a lot to offer you whatever your current relationship status or dynamics may be. You need to have an open mind about receiving input from strangers.
With the nine books briefly reviewed above, you can rest assured that there is real value. There is a lot of wisdom packed into every single page without compromising on entertainment value to keep things interesting. So pick one up depending on your current state and make life a little easier for yourself.
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Whether you are starting something new or you have been committed for years, the value of other people’s relationship advice questions and their answers is always helpful. Remember that despite the differences in participants, all relationships are more or less similar. Some other couple has faced the challenges you now face. Your relationship highs have been another pair’s good times too. That means that there is a lot to learn.
With this in mind, here are 9 of the most common relationship advice questions and answers.
Meeting friends and family is a pretty huge milestone in any relationship. It shows that you trust your partner and the stability of your relationship to let other people in. One of the best ways to know you are ready is when you can see a future with your partner. The last thing you want is to waste your beau’s time or to get your friends and family emotionally invested in something you’re not confident in.
You probably see a healthy relationship as one where you are totally in synch, never fight and generally have everything going well. That is more like a fictional Hollywood-created relationship than a real-life one.
In reality, a healthy relationship is one where despite all your differences you are willing to work as a team. There is great communication, personal growth and most importantly, healthy fights.
Here, it depends on your relationship dynamics. If you are a couple that believes in traditional roles then, by all means, divvy them up that way. If you have a more modern outlook, then you can split roles based on ability and availability. The important thing is to ensure that you are both on board and not feeling in any way oppressed.
Having a partner with close friends of the opposite gender is always a point of contention in relationships. It stems mainly from insecurities and the fear that your partner might be tempted to cheat. It doesn’t matter whether it is physical or emotional.
The answer to this question is multi-part. First of all, it is ok only if your partner is doing a good job of reassuring you. There also needs to be boundaries set between these friends. It is also a good idea to get to know your partner’s friends as a way to get some peace of mind.
It could be moving in together, getting engaged, buying property together or even having children. All these major milestones above all else require that you are both on the same page and ready. If there is even a sliver of doubt in you or your partner, then do not force it. You are not ready. It is also important that you both trust each other and have proven to be able to handle responsibilities that come with these relationship upgrades.
The best way to tell is through your gut instinct. Plain and simple. If you do not trust it, then you could always listen to input from friends and family who have observed the relationship dynamic. Finally, red flags including cheating, any form of abuse and poor communication are pretty much neon signs pointing to Toxicity City. Pun very much intended.
Being in a healthy relationship does not mean spending every waking moment of every single day together. If your time with your partner is hindering you from other responsibilities like school or work, then it is too much. If it is stopping you from pursuing hobbies and other interests, then it is too much. And if it is keeping you from family and loved ones, then you need to dial it down.
When it comes to sex, it is more about the quality than the quantity. That means that your bond matters more than how much time you do it. The goal is to make it as intimate as possible and not like a routine chore you need to check off your weekly to-do list. Yep, that was another intentional pun.
Now that we are talking about sex let’s tackle another very common related question. How soon is soon enough? The truth here is there is no solid timeline of the ideal time to get intimate after starting a relationship. For some people, it is as soon as they meet while others would prefer to wait until they are married.
What matters most is that you at least get to know and trust the person you are with. That way it is not just a physical experience but also emotional.
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Do you know that fairytale about a love that lasts forever? The one where you have butterflies for your partner until you are old and grey? Unfortunately, that is not how real life works. The truth is that the butterflies and warm fuzzy feelings may come to an end. But do not panic as this is normal and if your relationship is built on a strong foundation you have nothing to worry about.
However, there are some cases where the inevitable distance is too much for your relationship to handle. The tricky part is figuring out whether it is a phase you can get through or the final moments of your union. Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself to help find the answer.
Personal space in a relationship may be underrated, but it is very important. It could be physical space or emotional distance. If you or your partner asks for this, then there should be no cause for alarm.
The trouble comes in when either of you keeps asking for more space and time to be alone. That could either be a conscious or subconscious attempt to distance yourself from the relationship. That way when the inevitable end arrives, it is easier to detach.
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Does sex seem to solve every problem you have in your relationship? Do you consider it the only thing that is keeping you in the relationship? If the answer is yes, then the chances are that you are headed for the end. Many couples hide behind healthy intimacy forgetting to deal with all the issues that drive them apart.
No one is perfect so there will always be a few things about your partner that will annoy you. Maybe it is how she leaves her shoes all over the house. Or it could be the old toilet seat up or down debate. You should probably start getting worried if these pet peeves you or your partner have started to seem unbearable. That is often a sign of detachment. You no longer want to excuse the behavior subconsciously, and you are pretty much packed and ready to hit the road. So if your answer here is a yes then this is not a phase.
If your answer to this question is yes, then there may be hope for your relationship yet. It shows that there is still some emotional investment in the arrangement. You are probably still willing to work on it, and so the distance is a phase that you can very easily overcome.
On the other hand, if you feel happier being away and you dread seeing them again, then it will probably not be ending with happily ever after for you.
The distance you are experiencing in the relationship did not manifest from thin air. It is usually a result of unresolved issues. If you understand the problem and you are willing to work on it, then your relationship is more likely to weather the storm. However, if you are still in denial of there being an issue or you do not understand it, then your relationship is probably on its way to being over.
The distance in a relationship crosses the line and becomes toxic when a couple starts to play the blame game. Maybe you do not acknowledge your part in the issues, and neither does your partner. If this is the case, then it is unlikely that what you are going through is a phase. However, if both of you are willing to accept liability and work on making things better then it might just end up being a phase you will get through.
Sometimes the difference between a phase and irreversible distance in a relationship is the willingness to compromise. Coming to a compromise might be hard, but if you truly want the relationship to survive, then it is something that you will have to do. The important thing is to ensure that both of you understand what the problem is in the first place.
The question is pretty self-explanatory. If you see life with your partner after this unpleasantness, you might just be dealing with a temporary issue. It does not mean that your relationship is guaranteed to last forever, but it is a sure sign of great things ahead. If you do not see a future together, then it is time to call it quits. There is truly no use investing any more time or energy as you have most likely already emotionally detached from your partner or vice versa.
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