Sunday, 20 January 2019

Is It Just A Phase Or Are You Growing Apart? How To Find Out

The slow fade

Do you know that fairytale about a love that lasts forever? The one where you have butterflies for your partner until you are old and grey? Unfortunately, that is not how real life works. The truth is that the butterflies and warm fuzzy feelings may come to an end. But do not panic as this is normal and if your relationship is built on a strong foundation you have nothing to worry about.

However, there are some cases where the inevitable distance is too much for your relationship to handle. The tricky part is figuring out whether it is a phase you can get through or the final moments of your union. Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself to help find the answer.

How to find out whether it is a phase or your last hurrah

Does any of you feel the need for more and more space?

Personal space in a relationship may be underrated, but it is very important. It could be physical space or emotional distance. If you or your partner asks for this, then there should be no cause for alarm.

The trouble comes in when either of you keeps asking for more space and time to be alone. That could either be a conscious or subconscious attempt to distance yourself from the relationship. That way when the inevitable end arrives, it is easier to detach.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: The Tell-Tale Questions That Will Establish If Your Relationship Is Going Strong

Are you using sex as a smokescreen?

Does sex seem to solve every problem you have in your relationship? Do you consider it the only thing that is keeping you in the relationship? If the answer is yes, then the chances are that you are headed for the end. Many couples hide behind healthy intimacy forgetting to deal with all the issues that drive them apart.

Are there pet peeves that either of you can’t deal with?

No one is perfect so there will always be a few things about your partner that will annoy you. Maybe it is how she leaves her shoes all over the house. Or it could be the old toilet seat up or down debate. You should probably start getting worried if these pet peeves you or your partner have started to seem unbearable. That is often a sign of detachment. You no longer want to excuse the behavior subconsciously, and you are pretty much packed and ready to hit the road. So if your answer here is a yes then this is not a phase.

Do you miss each other when you are away?

If your answer to this question is yes, then there may be hope for your relationship yet. It shows that there is still some emotional investment in the arrangement. You are probably still willing to work on it, and so the distance is a phase that you can very easily overcome.

On the other hand, if you feel happier being away and you dread seeing them again, then it will probably not be ending with happily ever after for you.

Do you understand the problem at hand?

The distance you are experiencing in the relationship did not manifest from thin air. It is usually a result of unresolved issues. If you understand the problem and you are willing to work on it, then your relationship is more likely to weather the storm. However, if you are still in denial of there being an issue or you do not understand it, then your relationship is probably on its way to being over.

Are you playing the blame game?

The distance in a relationship crosses the line and becomes toxic when a couple starts to play the blame game. Maybe you do not acknowledge your part in the issues, and neither does your partner. If this is the case, then it is unlikely that what you are going through is a phase. However, if both of you are willing to accept liability and work on making things better then it might just end up being a phase you will get through.

Are you willing to compromise?

Sometimes the difference between a phase and irreversible distance in a relationship is the willingness to compromise. Coming to a compromise might be hard, but if you truly want the relationship to survive, then it is something that you will have to do. The important thing is to ensure that both of you understand what the problem is in the first place.

Do you see a future with your partner?

The question is pretty self-explanatory. If you see life with your partner after this unpleasantness, you might just be dealing with a temporary issue. It does not mean that your relationship is guaranteed to last forever, but it is a sure sign of great things ahead. If you do not see a future together, then it is time to call it quits. There is truly no use investing any more time or energy as you have most likely already emotionally detached from your partner or vice versa.

The post Is It Just A Phase Or Are You Growing Apart? How To Find Out appeared first on Loving Community.


Sunday, 6 January 2019

The Tell-Tale Questions That Will Establish If Your Relationship Is Going Strong

At any one point in our relationships, we have dealt with the question, “Is my relationship okay?” We have doubted that our partners care for us, and have wondered whether we have hit the high season a great romantic voyage. That is fairly common, and not a cause for alarm.

The knowledge that your relationship is on shaky ground is good; it shows that you care and are observant. The true question, then, is how to get it back up. How do you approach your partner and what do you need to ask them to get the restoration going?

Below is a list of questions that are light, yet leading – and if asked in the right setting and in the right way, will help you begin the process of rising again.

How are you?

Common as it may seem, people no longer ask their partners how they are. This simple question can help your partner talk about the frustrations they feel, their recent joys and even whether they feel overwhelmed. Ask this question in a leading yet non-confrontational way and sit back and truly listen to what they have to say. After all, healthy communication is the number one

Is there anything you need?

Acts of service and kindness especially in a marriage are crucial. Simple things like do you need me to lower the volume? Am I disturbing you in the morning or do you need me to get you water? Are questions that show you care and more than that, you are willing to go the extra mile and do something about it?

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Are You Showing Enough Affection To Your Partner? Here’s How To Do It Right

Do you feel that something is wrong?

It is easy to assume we are the only ones bothered by the state of the relationship. Asking this question may make you realize that you have both noticed the distance and both of you are looking for solutions.

If your partner does not feel like there is a problem, casually and kindly explain to them why you feel there is a problem. Allow the discussion to go deeper.

Do I seem different to you?

Maybe our partners change when they feel like we are changing as well. Ask your loved one this question in a way that makes it seem like you want to know the answer and not to defend yourself.

If they feel you are different, ask them why and kindly explain yourself.

Is there anything you would like to talk about?

We would be shockedto realize that most people and especially men have a lot to say given the opportunity. In a relaxed setup, ask your lover if they feel they need to talk about something. It does not matter if they want to talk about the weather or football. The atmosphere of openness will allow them to go deeper if they so wish and enable you to steer the conversation in the direction you want.

What can we do differently?

Sometimes it is good to acknowledge that times have changed. How you communicated in the past or lived may be subject to change, which is perfectly fine. Ask your partner if they feel the need to do things differently. If they do, seek new ways that will be amicable for both of you and adopt them.

Do you want us to try something new?

Routines cause monotony. Sometimes all a relationship needs is a little spark. Ask them whether they would like to try something new – chances are, they do. Look for an adventure that will allow both of you to participate while stepping out of your comfort zone. Ultimately even a simple drive to a wine plant may be all you need to rekindle your relationship and create more intimacy.

How is life?

When couples who live alone finally create a family or adopt pets, one party will always feel left out and ignored. If your partner complains of being left out, ask them how they are. Chances are, they miss the old life. Ask about their annoying boss, their friends, their ride home – simple questions that make them feel heard and loved.

What is the hottest couple you know at the moment?

Their definition of what the hottest couple they think will give your insight on how to please them and impress them at the same time. Role-playing may not be such a bad idea after all.

Would you like to have sex? Are you in the mood?

Sexual chemistry is essential in a relationship. Sometimes all you need is the old college try to realize that maybe sexual frustration was all there was.

The post The Tell-Tale Questions That Will Establish If Your Relationship Is Going Strong appeared first on Loving Community.