Thursday, 20 December 2018

How Compromising Can Hurt Your Relationship – Healthier Alternatives to Consider

The oldest myth in the book

Since the dawn of ages has a compromise worked as the cure to all relationship problems. We get bombarded with this message from all sides whether it is on magazine articles on love or advice from older couples.

Don’t get me wrong, it is important and necessary every once in a while, to step down and find common ground during disputes. However, this otherwise healthy coping mechanism has been tarnished and is now the root of many relationship problems.

Compromising might be hurting your relationship

A compromise is agreeing to let go of your will and desires for your relationship’s sake. You might choose to let your partner have their way completely or settle on some middle ground. Either way, you do not get what your heart truly wanted. Here are five reasons why this could pose problems for your relationship.

  • It’s often a lose-lose game

Losing mainly happens when you both choose to settle. You do not get what you want, and neither does your partner. From a far this might seem like a fair outcome, but the truth is that you both lost.

  • It forces you to lower your standards

We all have our core principles and standards, and there is nothing wrong with that. Compromise often threatens these principles and will force you to lower your standards for the sake of the relationship. You are lying to yourself and will possibly not be able to deal with the new arrangements for very long.

  • It allows an errant partner to get away with it

When it comes to disputes and arguments in a relationship, everyone is entitled to an opinion. However, more often than not there is one person who is more right. Compromising allows the other partner to get away with things that they should face. Issues they need to confront could be anything from infidelity to the division of house chores.

  • It threatens reasonable needs

There is nothing wrong with wanting more from your partner whether it is time, attention or displays of affection. Compromising may be what keeps you from these well-deserved benefits of relationships.

  • It fosters resentment

One thing that makes compromise one of the worst coping mechanisms is that it is only a temporary fix. You will usually choose to ignore your desires for peace’s sake. However, with time, this calm will be disturbed, and you will end up right where you started.

What to do instead

A lot can go wrong if you choose absolute compromise as your method of dealing with issues in your relationship. Thereare, however, a few other alternatives and alterations to this option that you should consider.

  • Make an effort to understand

As already stated, there is usually someone right in the argument before jumping into conclusions and agreeing to disagree, take your time to understand your partner’s point of view. You might be surprised to learn that you are on the wrong and should probably not hold so tight to your beliefs.

  • Take your time before making any decision

Many people rush into compromise as it is easier than losing or completely having to give up your beliefs. Do not pressure yourself into this wrong route. Instead, take your time to consider not only the facts but also your partner’s decision. That way, you will both end up on the same page.

  • Full expression

Many couples compromise because having to express themselves seems too tiresome. Go out of your way to make your partner understand where you are coming from with the issue.

  • Stand your ground

Finally, one great and often overlooked alternative to compromising is standing your ground. Showing that you have a backbone is important mainly with thing slike your core values and non-negotiable principles. Compromising in these cases makes you lose yourself and will lead to resentment down the road. To avoid this, stick to your guns at whatever cost; even if it means losing the relationship.


With all this information in mind, there is no denying the fact that compromising in a relationship bears a fair number of risks.

Instead, take the time to understand your partner and express yourself. More often than not only one person is right, and all it takes is efficient communication for this to come out.

You also need to be ready to stand your ground on disputes that threaten your core principles. Whatever the case, you need to avoid taking the easy way out through compromise.

The post How Compromising Can Hurt Your Relationship – Healthier Alternatives to Consider appeared first on Loving Community.


Saturday, 8 December 2018

Are You Compatible? 7 Questions To Ask On Your First Date

First date magic

Going on your very first day can be a very daunting experience. On the one hand, you are excited to finally go out with this person that you have been getting to know. On the other hand, you know there is a possibility that it might not work out leaving you exactly where you started.

The last outcome is of course not desirable, but it is sometimes inevitable. It is also better to know on the first date that you are not compatible than to waste each other’s time and emotional energy only to find out later. Determining whether or not you are a good match is all about the questions you ask. Here are 7 of them that should get you started.

Seven questions you need to ask

How long have you been single and why?

First thing’s first, you need to establish whether or not your date is truly on the market. Unless of course, you are ok in which you can go ahead and skip this question.

However, if you want your man or woman all to yourself, this is a question you definitely cannot afford to leave out. It lets you get an idea of whether or not the person has healed from previous relationships and whether they are ready for a new one.

What are you looking for in a partner?

Knowing what you are after allows you to establish whether you are both a match by identifying traits in yourself that he or she may be looking for. If everything they describe is everything that you are not, you might want to start looking elsewhere.

It is also important to let them finish without interrupting in an attempt to offer yourself up as an option. The last thing you want is for them to describe you as their perfect partner simply because they knew that is what you wanted to hear.

What are your some of your flaws?

Awareness of your flaws is a very important question to give you an idea of what you are getting into. Probe for the juicy stuff and do not settle for fake modesty answers like ‘I am too generous’ or ‘I work too hard.’ The question should be open to both flaws in relationships and those in general life.

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What are your pet peeves?

Knowing about your pet peeves helps you figure out whether there is anything you do that may put your date off. It could be that your date cannot stand the feeling of styling gel on hair or they hate tardiness. You need these answers so you can prepare yourself in advance and adjust your annoying behavior if there is a need for that.

Do you think you are ready for a commitment?

Trust me, you do not want to waste your time with a commitment-phobic person unless you are one yourself. And if that is the case you do not want to be stuck with someone who is constantly pressuring you to get into a relationship with them. This question is the only one on this list that requires that you are both on the same page.

Where do you see yourself in X number of years?

It could be a year, three, five or even ten. The answer here allows you to identify ambition and focus on your date. There is no correct answer here, but it is always a more positive sign if the person has an idea of what they would like to do with their lives. This particular question matters a lot for goal-oriented people. 

How do you spend your weekends?

Again, you do not have to have the same interests. However, if some of their pastime activities check your pet peeves list, you shouldn’t consider a second date.

Compatibility is no similarity

Before you go on that date, one more thing you need to understand is that compatibility does not mean having everything in common. So if he likes to go out on the weekends and you are a couch potato, it does not mean you cannot make it work. The important thing is to understand all the good and bad that will come from a potential relationship with the person and deciding whether you can live with them.

Bottom line

So the next time you go on a first date make sure to arm yourself with these very important questions. It may seem intense at first, but it will save you a lot of trouble down the line.

The post Are You Compatible? 7 Questions To Ask On Your First Date appeared first on Loving Community.